Soundtrack by Daniel Thompson

I met Daniel at the Mopomoso event at The Vortex and we discussed the triptych project. He offered to help as he is involved in improvised music and wanted to explore the interrelationship of sound and image. As he lives in London and I am based in Norwich we knew that any collaboration would have to be maintained by remote means. We communicated via e-mail and decided to take quite an experimental approach.

Here is Daniels explanation of the process that he went through:

"When asked to produce some music for an animation soundtrack the first thing I thought was that I want the music to work and be able to stand alone without the animation, just as the animation stands alone and works without music. I feel the strength of individual elements determines the strength of the totality, an idea analogous to many forms, thinking of nature, body forms, the triptych itself having three individual elements but existing as one, buildings, machinery, the oceans, the planets ecology, the universe and many many others. I hope my music lives up to these demands.

As soon as I heard of the project I immediately considered the idea of recording the improvisations I play whilst watching the animation for the first time, concentrating on an individual panel for each improvisation and remaining true to the integral, spontaneous nature of this music whilst using the animation as a graphic score. These pieces became the improvisations entitled 'During the Animation'.

The ideas came a plenty and I then immediately developed the idea of recording improvisations prior to even seeing your triptych, the idea that a collaborative effort like this can work in this way is intriguing, the accident of purpose becomes possible and the correlation of mediums becomes accented. I hope the music speaks for itself in this matter (even when a piece is worked re-worked and then re-worked again (the 'traditional' composing method) certain elements react and work stronger than others anyway). These pieces became the improvisations entitled 'Before the Animation'.

Finally, I also produced improvisations after seeing the triptych many times and thinking a lot more about the work. Within this project this is probably as close to a 'traditional' composing method as I achieved, the improvisatory approach is still very much integral as I didn't use the animation whilst playing but used my memory & recollection of the images as a compositional/graphic/memory score.

All these methods are centred around utilising improvisation as the creative working method to work within, a method I work almost exclusively in. I tried to acknowledge the omnipresent three by playing three improvisations within each of the three ideas, concurrent with the three panels for the triptych. They were all recorded whilst the moon was beginning its third quarter! Each improvisation was a 'first take' real time recording, recorded in the order they appear.

I have been studying my instrument (the guitar) for about 9 years. I was raised on music, being woken up in the mornings either by Monk, Lacy, Mingus, Webern, Bartok et al or my father playing saxophones and clarinet, he became my first influence and tutor and remains that way today.

I have been studying with John Russell for about 7-8 months which has been invaluable. He is an incredible musician and artist and one of the most generous people I know, he has an unbelievable subtle intelligence, fantastic work ethic and wonderful sense of humour. Every lesson I have with him is a lesson in music, philosophy, politics and everything else in between. I am extremely lucky to study with him and my music is reaping the rewards. My musical studies will never end."

Once Daniel had finished his recordings he sent them to me (9 in total) and I listened to them alongside the animation while considering what kind of process would be needed to get the best out of the tracks. As some of the improvised tracks had been made before viewing the animation I was quite surprised at how there were quite a few moments when the musical improvisation and animation met and complimented one another. It reminded me of the way that some of the improvisers at the Mopomoso event interacted while they played together. There would be periods of relative musical chaos out of which would come starkly contrasted moments of harmony. This reflects some of what happens in the animation but instead of using sound I have used movement.

There was some minor processing that needed to be done in order to clean up the tracks so I did that before looking carefully at how to make the composition work. I didn't want to change things too much. This soundtrack was more about a process than an outcome so I left all 9 tracks on the time line and used the volume automation to bring out a few sounds at a time and deaden the tracks that didn't fit what was happening on screen. I enjoyed this process but I think it may have worked better with a different instrument for each panel as it would have had a better range of sounds.

Daniel made some very interesting sounds with his guitar and had I cut out clips and placed them on the time line I'm sure I could have developed a soundtrack that was more traditional. When dealing with some forms of animation I'm sure it would have been quite appropriate to take a conventional approach but I after watching the Mopomoso performances I knew that I would like to collaborate with this type of musician and that I might have to change my attitude towards sound design if I were to do that. The unplanned nature of my animation and the improvisation of music seem to go well together, theoretically.

It's not my aim to to find a resolution on my first attempt, I think that only empty resolutions come about in this way. There's not much in life that you get right first-time around, trial and error is a huge part of the learning process so this first collaboration with an improvising musician is very important to me. I think that I could use my Mopomoso contacts to develop all kinds of collaborations as I find the style of music creatively inspiring.

Daniels soundtrack didn't separate as well as Phil's did but this meant that I could have Daniels soundtrack on the show-reel for the MA show where it didn't need to be broken into 3 segments and Phil's soundtrack in the installation.

I intend on taking the triptych to other musicians to see what they can do given the right amount of time. Now I have a couple of working examples of what can be done it will be easier to present the brief to others.

More post production!

So less than a week before the work is due in I have decided to start the post-production from scratch!

I started this process such a long time ago that I have lost files along the way. When looking at the FCP project that I had been working on as my 'best' output I found that one of the files was compressed using the H.264 codec, which is rubbish. I must have saved the wrong version at some point as I am pretty sure that I have a version somewhere which is much better quality. I had been saving files using the Apple Intermediate codec but after having a word with one of the technicians I have decided to re-export all of the single movies (ego, shadow and persona) and compile them in FCP.

We are using a batch process to rotate and resize the images in Photoshop before putting them together in FCP as the images are much bigger than I need them to be for the composition. I will then need to crop each movie so that it is 16:9 and not it's native 4:3. I really wish that digital camera companies would start to acknowledge the 16:9 format as there really is no need to stick to a film-based ratio anymore.

Once the 3 individual films are laid out to form the triptych, I will need to alter the speed of the films until the panels are timed in a way that matches the current export, as this is what the music has been edited to. Once this is done I will have to colour-correct, add the sound and re-export using the animation codec.

I hope to get all of this done today...

Update 7

It's looking likely that I will now have 2 soundtracks for the animation. I have the soundtrack that Phil produced and the one that Daniel and I produced.

Phil's soundtrack

Phil used software to track the shapes and movement and to manipulate the sound accordingly. When that was finished we consulted, I made some suggestions and Phil built another layer of sound that corresponded with the figurative parts of the animation, then changes were made to alter the mood of the sound towards the end. He then split the sound into 3 for the individual animations.

Daniel's soundtrack

Daniel performed 3 guitar improvisations before he had seen the triptych, 3 during his first viewing and 3 after. I edited the 9 soundtracks in Logic mostly by automating the volume to vary the amount of tracks that were heard at any one time. This ensured that there weren't 9 tracks playing at once and isolated the sounds that were appropriate to what was happening on screen. I didn't cut or paste any parts, just left the tracks where they were as I felt that this was part of the improvised process. I tried to make it work when separated as well as when the triptych is complete but this proved problematic.

There were a few other people that would have liked to work on soundtracks for this but due to the timescale they weren't able to complete anything. I'm feeling quite relieved that I managed to get 2 soundtracks out of the possible 9 musicians that originally volunteered, it just shows that sometimes it really is a numbers game when relying on other people. If I had only approached one person about this I would be struggling by now.

Morton Feldman quote

"At this first meeting I brought John a string quartet. He looked at it a long time and then said, "How did you make this?" I thought of my constant quarrels with Wolpe, and how just a week before, after showing a composition of mine to Milton Babbitt and answering his questions as intelligently as I could, he said to me, "Morton, I don’t understand a word you’re saying." And so, in a very weak voice I answered John, "I don’t know how I made it."

The response to this was startling. John jumped up and down, and with a kind of high monkey squeal, screeched, "Isn’t that marvelous. Isn’t that wonderful. It’s so beautiful, and he doesn’t know how he made it." Quite frankly, I sometimes wonder how my music would have turned out if John had not given me those early permissions to have confidence in my instincts."

pg 4-5 Give My Regards to Eighth Street: Collected Writings of Morton Feldman edited by Bernard Harper Friedman Exact Change,U.S.; illustrated edition edition (9 Mar 2001)

I'm used to people looking at me as if I am insane when I try to tell them about my ideas or when I am trying to express what I want to achieve. I am pretty sure that when I originally told the first person that I wanted to produce a sound/animation triptych that they had no better idea of what I was doing after I told them my ideas than they did before the conversation.

Could it be that I don't really know what I am doing or how I am going to do it? It's there in my head and cannot be communicated to anyone else in any way other than in its intended form.

People who can just accept that something just 'is' are hard to come by or maybe the education system has made it hard to come by this kind of freedom. If I asked a student how they had made something and they replied that they didn't know their marks would probably suffer. It's hard to get out of this way of thinking. I guess there is a need to be an established artist with a proven track record before you can just admit that maybe you don't know how you have created something, that it just came out?

Sometimes when I look at my life drawing I can't remember drawing it, I just remember finishing, standing back and thinking "Where the hell did that come from?"

Morton Feldman

Morton Feldman, "Rothko Chapel" (1971)


Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4

I have been looking at Morton Feldman's work this week as tom recommended it. Feldman, unlike Cage didn't embrace the newer music technologies that were available at the time opting instead to use traditional instruments. He was interested in Colour Field painting and The New York School of artists and probably shared more of an affinity with visual arts than Cage did.

His work is certainly in need of more investigation, but my time is running out so I will have to do that another time!

Exhibition synopsis

The following is my first attempt at a synopsis of my intended installation. It's purpose is to give a brief description of the work itself and a short bio for promotional purposes.

Triptych Exhibition

Post-animation depression

Fulfilling what I set out to do still feels quite empty in some ways. Every time I produce an animation I am reminded that in order to do this all the time I would need resources that I simply don't have. I have only been able to produce animation when I am studying at an institution that has the facilities that I need.

I had a notion that if I were to film something that is much lighter than my previous 'dark' work it would somehow quell the self-loathing that I sometimes feel. Despite the positive feedback I still feel the same about this animation as I have with every other piece of work that I have produced. I feel empty when I am not animating, it doesn't matter what the content of the animation is, I am in love with the process, with the movement and expression. It's like life is something that just happens when I am not working, I try to take part, to play the game, socialise, engage, earn money and perform but I only ever feel like myself When I am at home with Duncan, talking about my work or when I am creating animated 'things'. At the moment I am very much alone without a sounding board. As it is the summer NUCA is devoid of people, my peers and I are working on our projects independently as there aren't as many tutors around. Alone in a vacuum I start to doubt what I have done.

It's at this stage that I feel like I should do it all over again because it's 'not good enough', really it's just because I enjoyed doing it so much that I don't want it to end. It's now that I start to feel really alone but no longer able to socialise because I have spent too long being absorbed in my work. I begin to look at the mundane every-day things and worry about the money I have spent pursuing this. I hear the voice of every single person who has told me that what I am doing is a waste of time and I feel like an idiot.

Viva la pessimism.

This is the part I hate.

I seek out things that I think might 'cheer me up', too mentally exhausted to think about the next project. I go out with friends and feel like I left an important part of me somewhere else. I make Dunks meals on autopilot, with a fake smile and hope that he doesn't notice. The façade slips a little more than it usually does and I start to act like an asshole. I can no longer deal with conversations that don't have anything to do with my work. So how do I pull myself out of this self absorbed hole?

The only thing that has ever worked is to move onto the next project. However, there are things I still need to do with this project. I need to organise musicians, e-mail people, promote a piece of work that I no longer believe in, write evaluations, study sound theory, look into exhibition opportunities...

I have about 3 weeks left of feeling like this, listlessly moving from one thing to the next, before the chaos will envelop me again as we prepare for the exhibition and I prepare myself to start back at my job. I can't think beyond that.

It's not the worst kind of depression but it is tedious, expected and not really much fun :(

Update 6

I think I have about 3 weeks to go until the deadline for our reel so today might be a good time to stop, reiterate what has happened and evaluate the work so far.

Animation

I feel that I can sit back and say that I am proud of the style that I have developed for this particular piece. I think that the materials that I have employed work very well together, the relationship between the different mediums can be manipulated to cause some visually interesting effects. It does seem quite different to anything that I have done before so my hope is that it stands out from the other forms of animation that are commonly used.

I have been trying to put my work into context by looking at what else is out there. I have been able to find very little in the way of animated triptychs other than the research that I have already included in this blog. I think that one of the issues I have with looking at other animations is that my current work has more in common with painting than it does with animation. I am coming to accept that I am an artist who happens to animate, not an animator. When people think of animation they think about story-boards, dopesheets, characters, scripts and for the most part it is something that many people still see as a medium that is aimed at children. I'm not sure I should ever produce work that is aimed at children.

The process of trial and error used for this project has worked better than any amount of planning ever has done. When I have made my stop-motion animations with Elizabeth I felt that the 'Murderer' animation (which was the least planned) actually worked better than most of my other animations. I had such a small time-frame that I had no option but to perform the animation as I went along. This is similar to the way that I approached the triptych. I had an idea of what I wanted to do:

• I wanted the medium to be beautiful in some way.
• I wanted to produce something that is lighter or more hopeful than most of my other animations have been.
• The animation needed to be autobiographical in some way.
• I wanted to express emotion effectively.
• I wanted to use glass on a lightbox and work 2 dimensionally.
• I needed to have a psychological basis for the theory.
• The animation would be in triptych format.

I think that I have achieved everything that I set out to achieve for the visual proportion of this project. I may not have stuck to the theory as strictly as I imagined I would but I'm not sure that I needed to. I'm glad that I did have that theoretical basis as otherwise I might have floundered in a sea of infinite possibilities, as it stood I found suitable theory, read and researched and then took what I knew into the room when I animated. Would anyone be able to tell that I had been looking at Carl Jung? Probably not. Not unless I somehow include a Jung reference in the title of my work, which may happen yet as I am still undecided on a title.

Sound design

The sound aspect of this project is quite complex. I quickly found that it might be difficult to make a mainstream form of music that would fit the brief. As the animation itself is quite experimental I felt that the sound should also reflect that quality, so after a few 'wrong turns' I finally found a type of musician that could take on the challenge and would have an appreciation of the nature of the triptych.

I find it regrettable that I didn't try to source musicians until I had finished the triptych. It's not that I have felt particularly pushed for time but the time in between finishing the visuals and sourcing the musicians worried me a bit. I did start to feel like this was the point at which it could all fall apart. Luckily my networking paid off and I have had the pleasure of meeting some musicians who are tuned in to what I am doing. It's been helpful to make these associations as I am looking not only at my current project but also thinking about what I might do when I have finished the MA. The people I met at Mopomoso have introduced me to a different approach to music and one that I feel suits my own creative style.

In a way I have ended up with more than I could have hoped for. Instead of finding one musician that was able to help, I found quite a few who were willing to just go off with the brief and create their own musical interpretation inspired by the animation. This has meant that my main role in the sound production was that of coordinator rather than someone who has originated the sound themselves. I knew from the start that I would need to recruit people who could play instruments better than I can, but I had imagined that I might have been able to be present during recordings or been able to give the musicians a lot more direction than I have.

Given the nature of this project I am happy with my decision to collaborate more freely than I had initially planned. Having spoken to the musicians I have been assured that they understand what the project entails, and having seen the type of music that they are involved it I am quite happy to let them do what they need to do without too much interference from me.

My main function in relation to the sound has been:

• To establish (through careful research) what kind musical genre might lend itself well to this type of project.
• To make contact with and source people from within that genre.
• To liaise with the musicians and make sure they have a good understanding of the nature of the project.
• To document the process as it evolves.
• To work towards an effective collaboration that is mutually beneficial.

Research
Most of my research in relation to the sound design was done online as this was the quickest and easiest way of accessing the range of media (inc. audio and video) that was needed for me to be able to get an idea any aural aesthetic. I had regular tutorials with Tom Simmons once I was ready to engage in the sound aspect of the triptych and I found this quite helpful. I would typically make some notes on any suggestions that Tom gave me and use that as a basis, for example, he mentioned the London Improvisers Orchestra (LIO) which led me to come across the Mopomoso site and subsequently make contact with John Russell. There were a great deal of avenues that I didn't explore as I tend to go with what feels right to me.

Contact
At first I tried to source local musicians. I asked around to see if I could find anyone who was suitable. I made a blog post that called for musicians so I had some way of distributing the brief among interested parties. Suzie suggested a local cellist but she didn't reply to my e-mail so I can only assume that she wasn't interested. I posted something on a local music forum and had a response from a local musician who I met with a couple of times but he drifted away and I started to feel a little bit lost. I went into the Playhouse to ask about exhibition opportunities and showed them my work. They suggested that Phil Archer and Liam Wells might be worth talking to. I e-mailed them both and ended up working with Phil.

I explored other avenues as well as trying to source people locally. I e-mailed as many people from the LIO as I could, finding their e-mails through various web pages. I got in contact with Mike at Ditto TV who said that he had a musician in mind who might be able to help too. After finding the Mopomoso Friends network on Ning and establishing this as a point of contact things moved quite quickly. I put a copy of the finished animation on there to see if anyone was interested, at that point I got a response from John Russell who seemed more than happy to help and he invited me to their night at The Vortex in Hackney which turned out to be the most successful way of contacting people.

Collaboration
It's difficult to say if face-to-face contact has been more effective than remote (online) communication. it has to be said that once I had met some of the Mopomoso musicians in person I definitely felt that we had connected in a way that wouldn't have been possible via e-mail. Although I am very much used to communicating on forums and through messages and e-mails, I think that so much more can be said during a real world meeting and the conversation is less abbreviated.

In the case of the musician from Norwich I have come to assume that it was something about our face-to-face meetings that put him off working with me. Sometimes I can be a little scary to people who are quite shy or quiet as I tend to be brash and excitable sometimes. He seemed enthusiastic at the beginning but it soon became apparent that he had drifted away so I turned more towards the other musicians that I have met.

To meet with someone first and then communicate via e-mails seems to be the best way forwards. Once you have met someone I think that people feel more of a psychological obligation to that person. It's easy to dismiss someone that you have never met before as there is no physical form to identify with so it's easier to distance yourself.

To be continued....

John Cage

“There are two things that don’t have to mean anything; one is music, the other is laughter”
- Immanuel Kant

Interview dated 02/04/1991

I have been reading John Cage's 'Silence' in order to try and help me to understand the foundations of the modern avant garde (improvised) music. Cage is an extremely important figure in the world of experimental music and has influenced a great number of musicians.

http://www.nytimes.com/1987/02/08/arts/the-impact-and-influence-of-john-cage.html

"He asks his questions of the ''I Ching'' and of star maps, indeed of all manner of devices both ancient and random that ''free my mind (ego) from dislikes and likes.'' For both ''Atlas Eclipticalis'' and ''Etudes Boreales,'' Mr. Cage laid transparent paper over maps of the heavens, connecting the dots in ways suggested by the ''I Ching'' (the Chinese tome, when asked, told him to connect different colored stars in different ways), and then transferred those lines, with a minimum of compositional involvement and a maximum of graphic elegance, into conventional musical notation. For ''Ryoanji,'' the tracings were not of star maps but of 15 stones whose arrangement was suggested by the ''I Ching.'' For ''Winter Music,'' the ''I Ching'' was allied to ''imperfections in the paper upon which I was writing.''

Etudes Boreales




Ryoanji (interpreted by Joelle Leandre)20/11/09


John Cage: Freeman Etude #18 (1990) performed by Irvine Arditti


http://www.newalbion.com/artists/cagej/autobiog.html

More than anything I think that Cage was quite a philosopher and his experimental approach has inspired people from many different disciplines. Certainly a person of note in my sound-related research.

Sountrack by Phil Archer

***I will be updating this post as the work develops***

Phil Archer is anther person who I have managed to coerce into working with me on the triptych. I know Phil as he works in the Animation department at NUCA but I didn't think about asking for his help until someone at the Playhouse suggested it. Phil does very interesting things with electronics and programming so it is quite different from the improvised or traditional music that many of the other musicians that I have spoken to are involved in.

I do have an avid interest in electronic music but it is not something that I have ever really got involved in other than dabbling in DJing for about a year during my late teens. Some of my friends would use samplers and software like Cubase to make their own tracks. I love listening to the likes of Aphex Twin and Squarepusher but I always had more of an affinity with the individual noises rather than the musical composition itself. That might be why I enjoy creating foley sounds, I can be quite good at noise-making when I want to be!

Phil has been working on some software that uses the forms and movement from the triptych to shape the sound. Phil explained it better in his e-mail:

What I did was to make a little program that analysed the three starting shapes - red circle on the left, tree in the middle, and roots on the right - as they move and change throughout the film. This data (co-ordinates of the shape, size, density, etc.) was then used to control parameters of three physically modelled software instruments. This type of software instrument uses mathematical models to try and generate the sound that a real instrument would make rather than just using pre-recorded samples.

Here is Phil's first attempt at the sound:



I have the opportunity of working with Phil on this soundtrack in a way that isn't possible with the other musicians as we are able to meet up regularly so I can have more input into what happens. I enjoyed the general feel of the sound as I feel that it embodies the sense of being lost and alone in a vast environment. One criticism would be that although the triptych starts off as something that is quite bleak and hostile it does become more positive towards the end. As the software merely follows the shapes it cannot create empathy for the character and has not picked up on my intended change in tone toward the end of the animation.

We now have to take a hard look at what works and what doesn't. I feel that the part where the character moves into the 3rd (Shadow) panel and cries is one of the strongest parts of the sound composition, as it is at the moment the sound suits that part really well, I feel that it is the right sound.

I suggested the kinds of sound that might work. Some short mischievous, childlike sounds for the little character as it appears in the centre (Ego) panel, possibly starting off with a higher pitch and ending up lower at the end of the animation to denote the growth of the character. I feel that some kind of icy or crispy sound needs to be added when the salt is used in the animation as this changes the texture. We will review what we have once we have built up another layer of sound.


2nd version:


To build on that we talked about the emotional tone for the piece. My previous work has been quite macabre but for the purpose of this project I wanted to make something that was much lighter. Although it starts of quite bleak and lonely the figure then becomes less afraid of it's surroundings and finds another figure. This meant that the tone needed to become more hopeful towards the end so Phil created another layer of sound to reflect this:

Mopomoso

I had the pleasure of being invited to the Mopomoso night at the Vortex in Hackney. John Russell and Chris Burn founded Mopomoso in 1991, the following is a statement on their website:

We hold a passionate belief that improvised music, sometimes called free music or free improvisation offers many exciting opportunities both to players and listeners alike.

I have not had much experience of improvised music. When researching I came across several videos on Youtube and thought that it looked interesting but beyond that I hadn't much knowledge of it as an art form. When I managed to make contact with John I found him to be very helpful and he invited me down to his night at The Vortex. I took Tom along with me and once we had managed to find our way in we were introduced to John who in turn introduced us to a plethora of extremely creative and open minded people.

I had some idea of what to expect from watching the Youtube videos, most of which were filmed by Helen Petts, but nothing really prepares you for the dramatic ambience that accompanies this kind of performance.

The first set came from Josef Klammer and Seppo Grundler. They used a variety of instruments and electronics during their set. There was a touch of the theatre about the way that they interacted with one another, sometimes resembling mime artists in their expressions, especially Klammer. I tried hard to ignore the fact that Grundler bares a striking resemblance to my dentist.


Josef Klammer & Seppo Grundler, Mopomoso July 18th 2010

The next set was performed by The Fantastique Quintette comprising of Dave Tucker (guitar), Dave Solomon (drums), Sonia Paco Rocchia (bassoon), Ricardo Tejero (reeds) and Pat Thomas (piano). Dave Tucker is also a member of the London Improvisers Orchestra (LIO) and someone else that I have been in contact with in relation to this project. Again, one of the most interesting things from my perspective was to watch how the musicians reacted and interacted with each other. What makes this kind of music so special is that there are moments of pure genius amongst the relative chaos of 5 people playing instruments at the same time.


The Fantastique Quintette, Mopomoso July 18th 2010

Earlier I had been discussing with John how the sound (for my triptych) might have to be recorded. He had said that it's quite important for the improvisers to be able to see each other so that they would react in their usual way, but as my track needs to be split into 3 parts it would be impossible for the parts that are to be separate to be recorded in the same room as the mics would invariably pick up the other instruments as well as the instrument it is assigned to. Having watched a couple of performances I can see that at times during the set it is important for the performers to be able to interact visually. However, in places it seems that the musicians are only concentrating on their own instruments and barely cast a glance elsewhere. I started to ponder this and wondered exactly what it would mean for the musicians if they were only looking at the animation, would it change the performance in a negative way?

I also spoke to Will Connor who was sound man for the evening. We have been exchanging e-mails and hopefully he will be able to pull some sound together before the deadline. His booking agent is another useful contact as I will be looking to exhibit after the MA show at NUCA. As Will has worked on film sound as well as improvised music it stands to reason that he would be an ideal person to have on board.

All of these people (As well as just being damn nice people to talk to) are useful to know given my current interest in abstract animation. As my image-making becomes more inclined towards abstraction I feel that the accompanying sound-world should reflect that. I have never been a big fan of just sticking a 'song' over the top of my animations. The world of the music video is quite far removed from the techniques that I am employing at the moment so I knew that if I were to use music it would have to veer strongly towards the avant garde. What strikes me is the parallel between artists and musicians and the way that improvised music relates to fine art. Many artists who end up working non-figuratively, conceptually or in a visually abstract way have first proven that they are accomplished artists in their own right. Likewise the majority of improvising musicians are skilled professionals in their musical field who wish to get more out of their art. Improvising is a good test of musical ability as the musician has to think on their feet and react instantly, sometimes dealing with constantly changing variables in the form of other musicians.

For the final act John was performing with violinist Satoko Fukuda. I think that their set was probably my favourite as it had a more delicate feel than the previous performances. This performance was still very intense in it own way as the pair played beautifully together but it was less chaotic than the previous set. In places it sounded mournful, possibly because of the violin. I really enjoyed the moments of disharmony as I always feel that slightly discordant music gives that uncomfortable but at the same time wonderful feeling of unease.


John Russell & Satoko Fukuda, Mopomoso July 18th 2010

Having had a wonderful night and with my current project looking all the more promising for making contact with some good musicians, I made it to Liverpool St with about 30 seconds to spare before my train departed. It seemed somehow perverse after an evening of so much art and culture that I should have to sit on a train that smelled like Stella and Big Macs.

What's in a name?

It's got the the point where I feel that I need a name for my triptych, other than just calling it triptych which seems a bit empty. As it is looking like there will be several versions of the animation with different soundtracks (thought the imagery is exactly the same) I feel like it should be able to be named in a series.

I think I like the idea of using maybe numbers and letters mixed together in a way that looks interesting. Maybe I could just number them but use some kind of system that makes sense in some way. There are 3 panels and the animation is 3 mins long so something mathematical to do with the number 3 might be apt.

However there might be some wordage that would have more of a shared common meaning so it's easier to identify something about the piece. I'm just not sure so any suggestions are welcome.

Update 5

The visuals are finished now, they just need to be colour graded. I met with the external assessor on Monday and he suggested maybe looping parts of it to help with the sound design. Although I appreciate his suggestion I think that this would not be something that I would consider at this stage. I can see that this might make it easier to accompany traditional types of music but I think that it would not only change the aesthetic but also infringe on the improvised technique.

The project

This project has been rather unusual for me in relation to the processes that I have employed. Just before I began this I had been under the impression that everything in life would be much improved if I was only able to organise myself an plan a little better. At the start (during the self-negotiated project) I had tried to reign myself in by drawing up timetables and plans of what I thought should happen in order for me to achieve what I had set out to do.

I have found that my creative work doesn't like to be organised or planned, unlike academic work which benefits from a little foresight. Getting the balance right was tricky at first but once I let go of the project and allowed it too simply exist and grow I found that I wanted to spend time documenting it. After I had finished the 4 'Ego' animations I had reached a creative 'point of no return' and I wasn't really able to document things as I went along. When in a creative/practical work-flow I find it hard to keep up with recording my thoughts. Most of the time was spent animating, editing, thinking about my work and floating through the other parts of my life that require attention like earning money and trying to keep on top of the chaos that is my home.

Method

I started with the centre (Ego) panel and 'performed' 4 animations, I felt happy enough with the fourth animation to use it as a basis for the right (Shadow) panel. After watching some video triptychs I had decided that it would be interesting for some of the things that occurred in one panel to carry over into the next one so that the viewers eye is taken from one panel to the next instead of focussing on the centre. I measured and marked the points where 'events' needed to spread into the next panel, and made a note of where (in time) they would need to coincide.


The fruit (Persona), the tree (Ego) and it's roots (Shadow).

Aside from coordinating some of the movement and events the rest of the animation was decided as I went along. I repeated the process with the left (Persona) panel. I performed the shadow animation about 3 times and the persona twice so it's probably fair to say that I got better as I went along.

The shadow panel is filmed closer than the Persona. This was a visual device that I used to denote the depth of concious involvement. I suppose the reasoning behind this was that the Shadow is more of an internal part of the psyche and as such we are closer to it in some ways, as it is buried deep inside. The persona is more superficial, I feel more detached from that part of the psyche for some reason. Logically it probably should have been the other way around, I would have thought that most people would feel (psychologically) further away from their Shadow. I have a feeling that my thinking was that as the Shadow is internal and the Persona largely external that we are in a way much closer to what is on the inside.


The figure representing me mostly appears in the Ego panel and is born from the parent 'tree'.

The middle (Ego) panel is mostly concerned with depicting events, negative feelings and emotions are in the Shadow panel and outward projections in the Persona. The shock of the father figure leaving the Ego panel leads to the figure (made of broken glass) leaving the persona. In a sense I let my persona slip when I left home, I no longer had to wear such a mask just to fit in like I did at school. I had to keep myself in check as I was living with a new family but I spent the majority of my time with my friends, and a great deal of the time I was not exactly compos mentis. When in an altered state, be it through alcohol, drugs or psychological issues the persona can be almost totally disregarded.


The shock of the father figure leaving the Ego panel leads to the figure 'leaving' the persona.

Interaction between panels

After the figure leaves the persona a single 'blob' forms. I use bubbles in this panel as it felt like the right substance as it has an almost literal interpretation in this piece. This panel bleeds and bubbles intermittently until the second 'blob' from the Ego panel invades the persona, at this point the panel clears somewhat as the detergent is introduced.


My figure retreats into the roots on the Ego panel and this is mirrored by the roots on the Shadow panel being filled with a dark red colour.

People who have watched it have seemed a little taken back when events spill from one panel to the next, like it somehow breaks a rule or they weren't expecting it. I am happy with the way that this works, although the panels are separate animations the integrated movement somehow brings them together. I can see that if I had filmed it as one animation and then split it into three panels it wouldn't have worked in the same way.


My figure moves off into the Shadow panel and cries with it's back to the Ego.


My figure re-enters the Ego as the lighter colours begin to emerge in the Persona.


Another 'blob' starts to evolve in the Ego and my character pokes at it as the persona and Shadow become lighter.

Figurative elements

I initially imagined that I might produce something that was purely abstract but after some audience research I decided to include a figurative element so that the viewers would find it easier to identify with and engage with the animation. It was fairly easy to produce a figure or character that represented myself, I suppose that it would be logical that I would be more comfortable with creating an animated version of myself. One of my friends has frequently pointed out that Elizabeth moves like me. The way I work is to act through the medium of animation and this is probably more apparent in my work with Elizabeth than it was during this project. Still it was easier to create a representation of myself than it was to try and depict Duncan in some way.

When I performed my first Ego panel I struggled to introduce my partner's character without it looking contrived or too sentimental. I stand by my decision to include him as I feel that he has been an enormous part of my development and we have been together for so long that we function together as a unit.


'I' discover another figure in the Ego as the dark red drips through the Shadow. Another 'blob' appears in the Persona as I am no longer single.


The two 'blob's in the Persona panel merge slightly as their contents spill together, while the two characters in the Ego combine totally to form a new 'blob'. The Shadow becomes much lighter and not so dense.

Towards the end of the animation the panels look quite similar as the detergent disperses the oil and pigment. In my mind it is a union of differing aspects of the psyche, an evolution or an epiphany of sorts. It has a lot to do with learning to deal with negativity, coming to terms with the self and functioning within a relationship. It's not the end of a story, but the start of a new chapter. In this sense the final movement of liquids in the left (Persona) panel, when they move from the left towards the right of the panel is a lot like a page turning. It's movement is quite different in direction to the rest of the moving liquids in the animation and I think it brings on the end quite nicely.

Sound research

I have been looking for some examples of improvisation in music. During my tutorial with Tom we discussed Free Jazz so I had a little look for examples of this kind of impromptu performance. The following are examples from Youtube. I have copied and pasted the synopsis from each Youtube video in red and my thoughts in white text.



Sabu Toyozumi (percussion), Luo Chao-yun (pipa), Henry Lowther (trumpet), John Russell (guitar), Lol Coxhill (soprano saxophone) at Fete Quaqua 2009. John Russell's annual festival of free improvised music. Filmed by Helen Petts at the Vortex Jazz Club, London, 16th August 2009.

*Edited on 19/17/10*
I have been in contact with John Russell who has been extremely helpful. I joined the 'Friends of Mopomoso' network and have been discussing the nature of improvisation with him. He invited me to see the Mopomoso session at The Vortex Jazz Club. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and got a much better idea about the nature of musical improvisation and met a lot of lovely people.



Marcio Mattos improvise in Sao Paulo/Brazil in the concert of free improvisation, 19.10.2006

Marcio Mattos plays the cello with a high level of drama, using suspense and tension in his performance. Improvisation seems to be more apt for a longer time-scale as the performers can't really be reined in to a exact time scale without infringing on the nature of improvisation itself.



This is a pretty amazing video of Ethan Winer playing 37 separate cello parts to create one song. He even plays the percussion parts on his cello. It was recorded on 23 tracks using 37 plug-in effects. He spent hundreds of hours on this project so its worth a listen.

This is worth noting just because it was all done on a cello, it gives an idea of the range of sounds available.

My story

I have spent weeks trying to write, re-write and edit this post. I don't know if it's helpful for readers to know about the narrative behind the triptych but I think that I need to write it. I am going to publish it today because I need to get on with everything else.

My life as a narrative

The 'Ego' panel depicts specific events from my past as the Ego is supposedly concerned with perception and memory. The tree is the one from the first dream/nightmare I was able to recall and remember as a child. The tree (an apple tree) would grow on my bed, with me lying in it, and its roots would grow and twist around my feet. I would wake up and still be able to see it and I would scream. I had this dream a few times and it would always happen in the mornings so I never woke at night, but even in the daylight, and even being such a mundane thing, it still scared the hell out of me.

The story evolved over the 4 animations, or the form of the story anyway, the narrative is my own so it was already there I just had to chose how to depict it. The tree splits and 'I' manifest as a figure at the base of the tree. The symbol of a tree in a dream can have several interpretations which I will discuss in more depth later in this blog. My own interpretation was that the tree symbolised family. As I viewed its presence in a negative light and felt trapped by it's roots, I would have to assume that even at that age there was some feeling of unease about my family.

As the tree splits it forms two 'heads' that represent my parents. They face away from each other as this is the only way that I really remember them, by the time I was born I think the honeymoon period was well and truly over so I don't really remember them being affectionate to one another. One of the heads turns to the other and 'explodes' which drives the other one away. My figure sinks into the roots of the tree into a bubble and closes the curtains.

Growing up (fast)

In writing this I have just realised that when my figure leaves the bubble to enter the 'Shadow' panel, this is probably me leaving home. I left at the request of my Mum when I was 16 and although it was a difficult time I learned a lot that I would need to get me through life. I think that most of my lessons were learned through making mistakes, and I made some big ones. When I lived at home the boundaries were blurred as my Mum can be a little unpredictable which is why I didn't mind leaving, but when I left suddenly there were no boundaries. Almost every 16 year old wants to live with no rules so in some ways I was lucky to have experienced such freedom at a young age.

My figure leaves the Ego and sits at the bottom of the Shadow and cries. I couldn't admit to myself that at times I just wasn't coping with my situation. I was catapulted into a crazy world at the age of 16. It's like all of a sudden I found myself in an ever changing environment, without routine or safety. I think something instinctive took over when I was no longer in a predictable environment and I just did what I had to do. The content of the Shadow is more visceral than that of the Ego, it's that part that threatens the Ego. My interpretation is that when I left home I lived within my own Shadow at times. I think that I was close to losing touch with reality and I didn't care because I liked it. When real life is so devoid of hope I think that retreating from reality is comforting but it's also dangerous in some ways.

Other people's homes

I lived at first with a relatively new friend and her parents and siblings. I had to learn and adapt in order to fit in with my new 'family' which was a real learning experience. I got on well with everyone but the friend who had brought me there in the first place and I soon had to find other places to stay. I had outstayed my welcome by at least 6 months. Things got hectic after that and I didn't always know when I got up in the morning, where I would be staying that night. Although the instability was at times unnerving I certainly felt alive but the lows were just as vivid as the highs so I tended to cry a lot, mostly at night or when alone. I think it's one of the reasons why my friend and room-mate wanted me to leave, I would cry at night and she would tell me to shut up because she was trying to get to sleep. I think in the end she just thought I was being pathetic, which I was. I stopped my bed-time crying but would sometimes cry in my sleep, so I suppose it was just something that I needed to do.

I moved from one place to another for a couple of years while I did my BTEC at college. My tutors knew that I wasn't living with my parents and a few strings were pulled so that I wouldn't require parental permission for excursions. I developed a passion for life drawing during that course. We had some great tutors and quite a lot of creative freedom which suited me well. I can see now that what I liked about life drawing was that it was a one-off 'performance'. The model is there, in front of you and you have to capture that moment. It's not long and drawn out and you depict whatever you feel at the time. The animation for this triptych has mirrored that kind of working method. I would enter the room knowing that the for the next 4 hours I would be animating whatever came into my head and that when the time was up I wouldn't be able to go back and add more because the moment would have passed.

Although I never had that much luck with my own family I did seem to encounter a lot of people who were kind enough to help me out when I needed it. One of the tutors gave me some equipment that I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford without even really saying anything about it, he just went in the cupboard and put all this stuff in an art-box and handed it to me. Sometimes I would have nowhere to stay and my friend Bec would come out with me and we would sleep rough or she would sneak me into her parents spare room. Sometimes I would be 'discovered' by Bec's Mum, sleeping in their spare room when she got up for work. I would have to leave and go and sit on the swings in the park until college opened. I ended up living with Bec and her parents for a while when they discovered that I was genuinely in need of a home and not just being a skank. I had another friend at college who used to give me her sandwiches. She said this was because her Mum gave her sandwiches that she didn't like, I know she gave them to me because she knew I didn't have any money for lunch. My friend Kev and his Mum gave me a place to stay too and I had some of my best times with them. Kev stopped me retreating so far into my Shadow that I would never be able to come back, he was the only person brave enough to tell me that I was becoming something that wasn't me.

Life

Sometimes I still feel like life is just sweeping me along, I just go with it, the faster the better. Maybe that is the sensation that I am trying to express with the use of liquids? I often think that being in a stable relationship with a roof over my head is harder than living with the threat of homelessness because I now have so much to lose if something goes wrong. The thought of losing Duncan scares me more than anything else ever has done and in my darker moments I can't help thinking about terrible things that could happen. Once I get lost in my creative projects I no longer worry about what might go awry in life because I can only think about the project that I am working on. I like it when things move fast, when teaching I love the pace. My students mostly keep me busy and I enjoy teaching them but that is only 30% of the job. The rest of it involves painstaking organisation and paperwork and that part almost kills me.

I think I'm just about learning how to cope with life. For the last 13 years I have had a stable home and have been welcomed into Duncan's family. I still have nightmares about various aspects of being homeless and living with my Mum. I would be silly to try and just forget about it or ignore it as the psychological effects of that time are still with me. I feel that I have successfully dealt with the most destructive 'coping mechanisms' that I developed but that does mean that when I hit a rough patch I have had to find new ways to deal with my emotions.

Finding a Home

This project has been a great opportunity for me to act instinctively and I have realised just how 'at home' I feel at NUCA. I think that the thing I really clung on to when I was homeless was my ambition to go to the Art School with all it's weird and wonderful people and white high-ceilinged rooms. I got a place on the BA in 1997 but things invariably went very, very wrong and I didn't manage to go back until 2003. When I did eventually go back it felt a thousand times better than before and my work reflected that.

When I decided to apply to do my Masters it was because I had become desperate and I knew that I needed to give myself this so that I had something good to think about. I had started my teaching diploma the year before and had a brush with Dr Cheryl Jones, who had been employed by City College to help 'streamline' their inspection regime. She basically told me that I shouldn't be teaching and I totally lost confidence in what I was doing. When I first started working at CCN I really loved it but found the lack of support difficult to deal with. After the incident I decided that I would do an MA and that I would drop down to a sessional contract at the college, I also decided to seek help and get a formal 'diagnosis' for what turned out to be dyslexia.

Even during the 1st year of the MA, when I was in the 2nd (and final) year of my teaching diploma and the workload was crippling, I still loved being at NUCA. This year has been amazing though. When the teaching diploma was over it was really difficult at first to deal with the lack of things to do, but such a relief that I didn't have to tackle so much written work and have classroom observations. My MA work really started to take shape, it's like I suddenly had so much more to give the course as I had freed up some space in my brain to make room for the good stuff.

At NUCA, it's not at all unusual to not be able to tell left from right, or to be late, or messy, or weird. I am amongst people who are a bit more like me and so I feel safe, like I do when I am with Duncan. I love people who are a bit odd because I feel like I can be myself when I speak to them. At work I am a very watered-down version of myself which makes me feel a bit dangerous, like I might at any given moment say or do something that is completely inappropriate.

What I'm looking for, and what I have always been looking for is some kind of sanctuary. I have that at home now. Duncan and I have our little flat and we love it even if it is the size of a shoebox and I love being with him more than anyone else I've ever met. The only real threat to my home-life is what happens inside my head, the creeping darkness that sometimes takes hold. When I am working creatively I don't entertain the dark thoughts, when they do come they are fleeting enough that I can ignore them.

I spent a lot of time in other people's homes, feeling like I didn't really have a right to be there and I think that is mostly what my triptych is about, finding somewhere that I know is my home and part of that is finding a line of work that doesn't feed my insecurities. My home life is wonderful as long as the work that I am doing is creative.

The journey

The triptych depicts my bumpy journey from childhood to adulthood with all it's joy and trauma. It's about conflicting emotion, self-discovery and preparing for the next stage. By the end of the triptych I have become a part of the 'background' instead of trying to negotiate the environment alone. I join with another and become stronger. I feel like I have reached the age where I have witnessed enough of the cycles (seasons, years, decades, life, death, politics and people) to understand what is going on. In truth I didn't think I would reach this age so it's taken me a bit of time to accept adulthood because it happened while I was busy with other things. It's only in retrospect that I can see how I evolved into an adult over those years.

Shadow Animation

I have started work on the Shadow part of the triptych. So far I have had 3 tries at the shadow. The first one wasn't very successful, the look was wrong and the software/camera let me down before the end. The 2nd and 3rd attempts were much better. The tone is darker and I have found a few ways to reduce the stress on the software.

Shadow 1



I used red beads as I rather liked the idea of having the bright red glass next to the Phthalocyanine green colour. Although it did look quite beautiful it is too light and colourful and more apt for the Persona panel. I carried on and had fun with different techniques but the camera and Mac stopped communicating and too much time elapsed for it to be worth continuing with. I think that Dragon was set to capture on 2's so it put more strain on the system. In order to ensure that this doesn't happen again I will always opt to shoot on 1's so that the amount of frames on the HD is reduced and Dragon has less to do. I had also had other software open (Firefox and Quicktime) so I have decided to bring my laptop with me so that I can update my blog and watch the previous animations as reference without fear of overloading the software and hardware.

Shadow 2



The 2nd attempt was more successful, I used some pink/brown beads as these looked more dingy and less vivid than the red beads. As the tree develops on the Ego panel I decided that roots should form on the Shadow panel. I filmed quite close up and will have the camera further away for the Persona panel.

Shadow 3




This is the version that I decided to edit together with the Ego 4 animation in order to see if the animations would work when played side by side. I timed the movements by making a note of the times when actions occur in the Ego 4 animation and making sure that the action in the Shadow panel complimented what was occurring in the Ego panel.


2 Panels



When the Shadow is placed side by side with the Ego animation it's easier to see how the triptych might work.

Musicians needed! (unpaid)

I am looking to recruit musicians to score my animation. Ideally I would like someone who is able to watch an animation and give a musical response to what is on screen. Unfortunately as this is a student project I have no money to offer, the only incentive I can give is that you will receive a credit on the animation and you can have a copy so that you can use it promote your scoring ability.

There are 3 animations that will be shown side by side in a triptych format. This means that the 3 animations will play simultaneously side by side. I would like the sound to be broken up so that there is a specific sound-track for each animation that can be played alone with its assigned animation, or can be played when the animations are shown together. It's destined to be shown as an installation at the NUCA MA show in September. The triptych will be projected in it's entirety with the accompanying music being played through speakers. In the same room there will be monitors and headphones to show the 3 separate animations with their component of the soundtrack being played through the headphones.

Originally I had thought that something along the lines of the bass, melody and percussion being separated to score each individual part of the animated triptych. I have considered it carefully and think that I need to seek advice from musicians on how to break up the soundtracks so that they will sound good alone or when played simultaneously. Although I have some experiences in scoring an animation I have no experience in writing music and very little experience at even playing an instrument.

These are 2 of the test animations that I have done so far, they are designed to be played in portrait format so either tilt your head or screen to view them as they are supposed to look:



Ego 1





Ego 2



The animation style is quite abstract so you might have to be abstract in your musical approach. Although I have traditional instruments in mind at the moment (I would be very interested in hearing from a cellist) I am open to suggestion on what kind of instruments or techniques to use.

If you are interested either reply to this blog with your contact details or send an e-mail to:

Julie.Garrod@student.nuca.ac.uk

What does it mean to me?

Last night I had a dream about the animations that I have been working on. I clearly saw my last animation and my dream told me to move on to the next part of the triptych. I was booked in to animate again today so I think that it might be the last animation that I do in the 'Ego' series before starting on the Shadow.

So far it has been a rather strange journey for me. To begin with, wading through the theory was torturous and for a while I thought that I wouldn't be able to make sense of any of it. Now I've become consumed by the project and the enormity of it excites me and I know that I am doing what I need to do. I love working on something that I feel so at one with. In my job I sometimes feel out of my depth, there are reams of paperwork that I don't understand, I have to negotiate the complex structure of the organisation and always keep myself in check. When I am animating, I am just that, animating. There is no other thought that enters my head.

As this triptych is modelled on my own psychology I have had to use my memories, thoughts and feelings to base the work on. I stated in my proposal that most of my work is dark in nature and that I wanted to investigate why. I have a feeling that what started off as en expression of what I was feeling at a few points in my life turned into a habit. Even when happy my work remains morbid as if it got stuck in time and although I felt that I had moved on my work never did. It seems that even the 'Ego' animations that were intended to be much lighter than my other work, were disturbing to others. I do feel the darkness lifting a little now, it's like I really have to force it out trying hard to express positivity instead of negativity.

I see this as a cathartic experience, proof that I can tell a story that isn't entirely grim and in doing so maybe I can convince myself that whatever struggles I had before are behind me. Whatever is to come will come, bad or good, but to expect the worst isn't always healthy. I have taken a different view of myself and in doing that I hope to express something different in my work.

Indulging in animated play makes me happy. The only plan I have is a feeling, and this is what I have to follow in order to create this triptych. This seems to be my most successful way of working. I have accepted that I am an instinctive animator and that I do not work well when too much planning is involved. To begin with I tried to add structure to this project especially during the self negotiated unit but it didn't work particularly well as it didn't allow me enough freedom. Now I am just following the work instead off trying to force it and it feels (and looks) much better.

Mostly I think that to me this triptych is about letting go of bad memories. I can't ever wipe these things from my mind, I can't un-see, un-feel or un-hear things but I can refuse to dwell on them. The thing is that I still feel very sad for my younger self. I look back and think that I should never have had to go through those things and I hate the thought that others will go through the same and worse. It always surprises me when people show a lack of empathy for others. If I see someone going through a hard time I put myself in their position by using the old feelings that I have stored away to feel what they feel. Maybe that is the positive thing that I can take from my experiences? To be able to take anything positive away from a negative experience has to be a good thing, I'm lucky that I have managed to do something productive with my own negativity but I think it's time to make people feel good when they watch my work instead of feeling scared or freaked out. Something more akin to a kiss than to being hit round the head with a brick?

What do others see?

I have taken some time to gather opinions on the two 'Ego' animations that I have done so far. I asked specifically what other people have read into the animation or what they think it means.

I harvested the opinions online, through Facebook, forums and via e-mail so most have come from people I know in one capacity or another. Views on meaning are varied but some were surprisingly accurate. I gathered views from people who have no creative background as well as those with more experience. Only one person so far has been unable to elicit any real meaning from the animations. Some people thought that the animations were some kind of commentary on environmental issues, most likely because of the tree image at the beginning.

The following are the comments I have received so far, red text is my response to the comment:

From Facebook:

• Well they were different and very relaxing to watch, but I think they lack substance and/or subject. If you know what I mean. (So you would prefer something a little more figurative, maybe with character to relate to?) Maybe a character or an object. I think it needs to tell a story or several different stories, perhaps the viewer could see a number of different stories depending on there imagination.
• love them jules. i like ego 2 best. the reds set it off. i'd like to see more 'lumpiness' maybe throw in some texture like sand or butter or something. as for what it means, i dont think that deep, i see only 'cool' and 'awesome'.
• They do have a Rorschach test quality to them. Not 100% abstract but abstract enough to have people read into them what they were thinking about anyway.

From the blog:

• Ego1:
  
• When it ended with two people holding hands and they were no longer being crushed by the world around them. That made me feel all optimistic. Ego2: It made think about reproduction lessons in biology at school. That made me feel slightly squeamish because I'd rather think that people are made of chocolate sponge cake than all that icky blood and stuff.
• Ergo2: Relationships. Starting off as one and then splitting into two. Growth/Development.
• Wow, Julie, have had to watch at the second one a few times as I got lost in the aesthetics, beautiful. The two sides of self(but maybe I thought this because of the title too), growth, the harshness and loss of growing up, moving on, that all sounds a bit sad, just before the end it seemed to have a feeling of positivity and bringing those things together (about 1.16)
  
• Breathtaking , Look forward to seeing on the big screen!
• ego 2 made me think of dissection. looking inside and division. self searching. bloodshed. murder. love it.
• Ego 1 It made me think of birth - rebirth. I felt like the page was about to set on fire. It also made me think of something trying to escape. It made me feel a bit scatty and nervous. Ego 2 It made me think of the deterioration of the environment - the red made me think of murder - it made me feel slighty unconfortable.

Via E-mail

• Ego 1 - It looked like a disease/mould growing in a petri dish. When the two humans emerged from it, it either meant we all come from bacteria or we're parasites on the earth. The colours were quite dark so it didn't make me feel very good. Ego 2 - I liked the opening which looked like a tree, then splitting open it looked like blood was coming out. I thought it symbolised how we are killing the planet. I liked the colours in this better, although the red was a little disconcerting.

From a forum:

• Looks like a lot of little people spawning and suddenly being devoured by the blob over and over. Kind of harsher looking then the earlier "organic matter on glass" ones since parts look like people or people parts, though perhaps it's from mindset rather then the art itself. The second one has an even stronger vibe of decay, like a helpless human getting run over by a tractor, bleeding out until dead and then slowly molding as microbes and algae take over around the swarms of insects hatching in the flesh. Big vibe of helplessness, filthiness and death. (Yeah, I was going for something a little more hopeful, maybe the red is too dramatic? My work always veers towards darker emotions for some reason. The helplessness part is good but I probably need to make it more positive towards the end.) Doesn't look positive at all to me really, possibly a hint when the humans actually move. The red just looks like arterial blood to me. End of ego2 does have actually still around humans I suppose. The red looks more negative then the green to me, but again it could be part mindset. There is probably a hint of rebirth in the sense that they do respawn continually as they're consumed, hard to say if focusing on the destruction rather then the creation prior to it is just dependent on what the viewer is thinking rather then the animation itself. I realize I reuse the phrase "to me" excessively and for no reason since it's rather obvious anything I say is only my opinion but I don't feel like copy editing it out :-). [EDIT] Watched an earthworm struggling off the porch very slowly and into the ground and looking at the texture, I think the reason the animation looks harsh is the gritty texture. Organic stuff looks hopeful but grit, like the small hard dots do not. Even the things destroying the humans do not really look that negative, the downer vibe is mostly in the hard-looking small particle sprays. Sort of like a ham sandwich with sand in it - a sliced up dead animal is somehow kind of ok, the sand is what you cringe about.
• Well, I can't comment on the actual site, but I watched them and thought they were awesome! I was entertained the whole time watching both.

The main adjectives or descriptive terms used were:

• Spawning
• Devoured
• Harsher
• Decay
• Helplessness
• Bleeding
• Moulding
• Microbes
• Swarms
• Hatching
• Filthiness
• Death
• Arterial blood
• Negative
• Rebirth
• Respawn
• Consumed
• Destruction
• Creation
• Red
• Awesome
• Relaxing
• Disease/mould growing
• Emerged
• Bacteria
• Parasites
• Dark
• Splitting
• Blood
• Disconcerting
• Struggling
• Optimistic
• Reproduction
• Biology
• Squeamish
• Relationships
• Splitting
• Growth/Development
• Loss of growing up
• Moving on
• Dissection
• Division
• Self searching
• Bloodshed
• Murder

I think that I need to work on making it more positive towards the end. I attempted this during Ego 1 with the introduction of the two figures but the way that I chose to depict the scenario wasn't very effective. I thought that maybe the symbolic movement towards the top of the panel would suggest a positive ending but not many viewers picked up on that so I may have to be less subtle.

The feedback has helped me to see what some others might read into things. People generally find it quite disturbing, especially the use of red in Ego 2. A lot of the viewers felt that the look was 'biological' (use of words such as; spawning, decay, moulding, microbes, swarms, hatching, blood, rebirth, re-spawn, disease, bacteria, parasites, reproduction, dissection and division) which in a way is what I was aiming for. I like to feel that my work is 'alive', like it is it's own entity.

Much of the feeling about my work looking 'biological' has to do with the technique that I have used. By using mediums that resist one another I have created an environment where parts of the image expand while other parts are eroded. This 'breathing' effect gives the feel that what you are looking at is very much alive and the use of fluid adds to this. I think that the job of an animator is to bring inanimate objects to life but working with these fluids means that to a certain extent they animate themselves, I just manipulate them to create imagery that people can relate to.

Rorschach test

In the feedback Patrik brought up the Rorschach test which is something that I had been thinking about for a while. The Rorschach test comprises of 'inkblot' images that the patient is asked to respond to and was a popular method of psychological testing in the 1940's and 1950's. The viewer is asked to give their immediate interpretations of the images that they are presented with and their responses were used to gain insight into their personality.

Below are some examples of the Rorschach test cards:





As the inkblot image is abstract the viewer creates their own meaning. There are common answers that people come up with which could mean that the images, although abstract, are suggestive of form. The images that I have created are moving images, which adds another dimension.

This music video is inspired by the inkblot technique, and has the tongue in cheek title of 'Crazy':

The interpretations that I received through feedback are quite interesting. In a way it has helped me to pinpoint the dominant emotions that stand out from the array of feelings that I wanted to depict. I tend to use my negative experiences to fuel my creative work. I often wonder if this is something that has a therapeutic effect or if it is somewhat negative to dwell on those experiences? A few of the people that gave feedback described a struggle of sorts:


"I felt sorry for the person struggling to survive on their own in an environment that keeps trying to crush them."

"The harshness and loss of growing up, moving on."

"Self searching."

"It also made me think of something trying to escape."

"Looks like a lot of little people spawning and suddenly being devoured by the blob over and over."

The period of life that I have in mind is from the age 0f about 8 until now I suppose. The last 7 years haven't been as much of a struggle as my teens and early 20's so I have been trying to express a growing positivity. This is proving to be much more difficult than I had imagined it would be. It has been suggested to me that as I am a person who is fuelled by anxiety and stress, feeding off it as such, that a 'happy ending' would spell an end to what compels me. The feedback has shown me that the focus is still on the negative. The viewer wants to see a happy ending, they want to feel that the protagonist has won the battle. I need to work on how to convince the viewer that all is well by the end.

It could be that the viewer needs to see that the protagonist is helped in some way or that they grow in strength. The negative forces are too dominant and this causes the viewer feels threatened and unnerved. I will attempt to add positivity by adding some vibrant colours. I have brought 3 more pigments; cadmium yellow, cobalt turquoise and phthalocyanine green.